Do you have a healthy relationship?

I've always been confused by what constitutes a healthy relationship, since different people always have different standards. Take my parents, for example. They met in college, married several years after they graduated, and stayed together until my father passed away last summer. And when I say "stayed together", I quite literally mean it. They did not spend a night apart from each other from 1969 until 2006, when my father went to Maine on a hunting trip with my brother. That was quite literally the first night in their married lives that they spent under different roofs.

To me, that seems like the definition of a healthy relationship. However for other people, it seems like insanity. My uncle Bob and aunt Jane, who are actually my parents' college friends and not blood-relatives, met in college. Like my parents they were married several years later. Unlike them, they take vacations by themselves. One or the other will travel for work, or just take a weekend getaway down to the shore or up to the mountains. They spend time apart regularly.

Is one of those a healthy relationship and the other an unhealthy relationship? I don't think so. I think it all comes down to what works best for a particular couple and standards be damned.

Of course, it's not only married couples who have reasons to question their relationships. Kids - especially teenagers - are the most at risk of being in abusive relationships, especially romantically. Kidshealth.org has a list of questions to address to assess if you or your child is in a healthy or unhealthy relationship:

When a boyfriend or girlfriend uses verbal insults, mean language, nasty putdowns, gets physical by hitting or slapping, or forces someone into sexual activity, it's an important warning sign of verbal, emotional, or physical abuse.

Ask yourself, does my boyfriend or girlfriend:

get angry when I don't drop everything for him or her?
criticize the way I look or dress, and say I'll never be able to find anyone else who would date me?
keep me from seeing friends or from talking to any other guys or girls?
want me to quit an activity, even though I love it?
ever raise a hand when angry, like he or she is about to hit me?
try to force me to go further sexually than I want to?

Having a healthy relationship is about control - or, sometimes, lack of it. You must be in control of your emotions and individuality, though you must be willing to cede control to your partner when compromise is in your own best interest.

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