Dealing with a breakup isn't easy: treat it as a

Dealing with a breakup isn't easy: treat it as a learning experience and then move on

No matter what your age or gender, dealing with a breakup is always painful. Teens who break up with their boyfriend or girlfriend can feel terribly hurt, even if the relationship was relatively short. Due to a lack of experience in dating, dealing with a breakup can seem like the end of the world. Adults are usually better equipped to deal with a breakup, in varying degrees. Adults have the advantage of experience, but sometimes this only engenders different emotions.

If you're the one who initiated the breakup, you may feel an enormous sense of guilt for having hurt this person. If you're the one being 'dumped', you may have intense feelings of inadequacy, anger and, in some cases, a desire for revenge. These emotions span all age groups.

Younger adults who have broken off with a relationship of some months standing, may turn anger on themselves in the form of self chastisement. How could I have been so stupid as to not see him/her for what he/she was in the first place? Married couples who break up naturally have a little more baggage to deal with, due to the seriousness of the commitment to marriage. Married couples with kids often have the most difficulty in dealing with a breakup. You must reconcile not only your own emotions, but be sensitive to your kids feelings about the situation, putting your own on the back burner for the time being.

Most people who find themselves ending a relationship have at least one or two supportive friends to lend an ear and a shoulder to cry on, but you should try to avoid overindulging yourself. Because your friends are naturally 'on your side', this can soon turn into a self-pitying fest that does no one any good. It's OK to indulge yourself for a little while, but don't get obsessive with the self pity or wallow in endless discussions of what a rotten person he or she really was. After all, you did have something in common at some point in time and shared both good and bad times.

One helpful strategy in dealing with a breakup is to ask yourself, near the end of the relationship, were you really all that happy? Chances are, the answer is no. You need to accept that people change and their journey through life may take them on a path that you're not willing or able to follow.

People who marry young are often lacking in maturity and life experience. The couple who, in their early 20s, both wanted nothing more than to be with one another, may change their focus in their 30s or even 40s, each having exhausted the attraction of their original infatuation, finding nothing left of substantive compatibility. While it's sad to find yourself at such a juncture, it's really not healthy to continue in a relationship when you're no longer happy. You both deserve to have a little happiness in this life. Knowing when it's time to move on can be the most trying emotion to work through when dealing with a breakup.

Understand that all of these feelings are normal emotions and reactions. You may find that a good self help relationship book can help you work through some of the pain and gain a better understanding of how you got where you are. Another good strategy in dealing with a breakup is to find a relationship forum online, where you'll surely find many of your own feelings echoed by other forum members. Again, try to avoid the self-pity game, as this is only counterproductive to your objectives: to start feeling good again and move on with your life.

Get out and do things that make you feel good. Visit friends. Make new friends. Get involved with helping other people. You'll be surprised at how much better you can feel. Dealing with a breakup isn't easy, but is certainly not the end of the world. It's time to be happy again. You deserve it.

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