Turkey waddle be gone: The Arm Lift

We've all seen it, and been disgusted by it. The excess skin, fat and cellulite that hangs off the bottom of the arm by the tricep. It's a blight, an unsightly eyesore that people are rightly ashamed of. The question, then, is what to do about it? Do you get some weights, do exercises that specifically focus on the triceps, add in some heavy cardio and resistance training, maybe top it off with a couple of push-ups and burn that turkey waddle away? Or do you spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery?

If you're like most Americans, you go for the second option and get yourself an arm lift. It's the only sensible thing to do, what with our sense of entitlement and disdain for proper diet and exercise. It's hard to imagine what our ancestors did to get rid of their upper arm fat back in the days before plastic surgery.

Then again, it's hard to imagine that our ancesors dined on steak, potato chips, soda and ice cream every day like we do. So maybe they didn't need an arm lift every few years - they probably just, you know, worked off that excess flesh.

The scientific name for the arm lift is the "Brachioplasty." Amusingly, Miriam-Webster dictionary doesn't recognize this as a "legitimate word," which is probably as it should be. It's hard to dignify a surgical procedure that shouldn't really exist in the first place with its own space in the dictionary.

Maybe I shouldn't be so disdainful of folks who feel the need to go the surgical route. I'm sure there are some who legitimately need to have surgery to take care of their turkey waddle, but for the life of me I can't figure out why it would be so. I'm no Adonis, and I like a six-pack of beer and a 20 ounce steak as much as the next guy, but you've gotta know when to say when. Don't let yourself get fat in the first place! And if you do let yourself get fat... then work it off! Taking the easy way out isn't a solution, it's just the first step of an ever-repeating process. Trust me, I saw my cousin balloon up to 400 pounds, get a gastric bypass to get back down to 200... then put nearly all the weight back on. He's currently tipping the scales at 350, and that's with half a stomach!

So before you get your arm lift, make sure you really are ready to change you eating and exercise habits. If you don't, then you're just having expensive, unnecessary surgery that's going to come to naught at the end of the day anyway.

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